Your relationship with your supervisor is the longest relationship of your postgraduate degree. Here’s how to tell if it’s healthy and how to fix it. You thought you’d only stress about your research topic. No one warned you you’d also stress about your supervisor replying to your emails. At NWU, your supervisor is part mentor, part editor, part life coach, and sometimes, part ghost. 

And like any relationship, it works best when you both actually communicate. So, is it a situationship or a supervision? Let’s diagnose.

5 Signs You Need to Have “The Talk”

1. The Ghosting Phase

You sent Chapter 2 three weeks ago. You saw the blue ticks. You followed up with “Just checking if you saw my email, Prof.” You are refreshing your email every 20 minutes and reconsidering all your life choices.

Healthy supervision reality: Supervisors juggle lectures, their own research, and 10 other students. A gentle nudge with a clear deadline helps: “Good morning, Prof, when you have a moment, could you please check Chapter 2? I’d like to submit by Friday so I can move to Chapter 3.”

2. You Don’t Know Where You Stand

Are you doing well? Are you behind? Are you failing and no one told you? If your last meeting ended with “It’s getting there,” you left more confused than when you walked in.

Fix: End every meeting with 3 questions: What should I keep? What should I fix? What should I do next? Write it down and email it back: “Just to confirm what we agreed…” – This saves both of you.

3. Mixed Signals Are Your Normal

In one meeting: “This is brilliant!” In the tracked document: 67 comments, all in red. “Unclear. Rewrite. Reference? No.” This isn’t personal. That’s literally their job – to push a good idea into a great thesis. Ask them: “Which 3 comments are the most important for me to fix first?”

4. You Only Talk When There’s a Problem

If your only interaction is “Where is your draft?” – that’s not supervision, that’s debt collection. Healthy supervision has check-ins even when things are going well.

5. You’re Scared to Be Honest

You’re stuck, you missed a self-imposed deadline, you’re burnt out, you want to change direction – but you’re scared to say it because you don’t want to disappoint them. So you say nothing.

How to Fix It Without Breaking Up

You don’t need to switch supervisors. You need a reset.

1. Set Relationship Rules (Early is Best)

In your next meeting, agree on: How often will you meet? (Bi-weekly is ideal). What platform? (Email for drafts, Teams for meetings). What’s the turnaround time for feedback? (e.g., 10 working days).

2. Come with an Agenda, Not Just Anxiety

Instead of “I’m stuck,” try: “I have not completed X. I am stuck on Y because of Z. I think I should do A or B – what do you advise?” It shows you’re taking ownership.

3. Use Your Support System

Your supervisor is not your only support. NWU has your Research Director, Postgrad Office, and Counselling Services on all three campuses. Use them.

4. Document Everything

Keep a folder – email confirmations, meeting notes, feedback. It protects you and helps you track your own growth.

The best postgrad students at NWU aren’t the smartest ones. They’re the ones who learned how to manage the relationship, not just the research.

Your supervisor wants you to graduate. You want to graduate. You’re on the same team.